my phone needs a breathalizer
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
And then he peed in my hair
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