i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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