Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
