We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Pooping to opera.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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