3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
