when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
