Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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