its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
