Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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