my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
