Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
