so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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