sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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