oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
