her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
