so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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