I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
