We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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