Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
