How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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