Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
