YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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