After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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