And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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