I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
