youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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