I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
