if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
