I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
