Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
