he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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