Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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