im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
