Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
