I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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