she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
