ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
