At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
