Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
well you can't waste a boner
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
