I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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