chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
