if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
