naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
