I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
