My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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