did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
