dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
