Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
