I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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