Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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