I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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